Or at least, how it could start if I was directing…

(The scene: a subway stop. Three quite tall, very young thugs are, in a very leisurely fashion, grabbing a woman?s purse. Then, in a series of very rapid, jumbled images from the point of view of the attackers, come a series of blindingly-quick assaults from a tiny person in a hoodie. Old lady stares at the newcomer. Sirens blare).

Tiny person (Perp 4, camera shot from the back) ? Fuck!

Tiny person (Perp 4, camera shot from the back) ? Fuck!

(Shot, from the back, of the three muggers and the tiny person, lined up against a fence. )

(Shot, from the side, of two policemen and a police woman interviewing the woman and the four young hoodies)

(Shot, from the side, of two policemen and a police woman interviewing the woman and the four young hoodies)

Cop 1 ? (Looks at the first perp) Bloody nose.

(looks at the second) Bloody nose and torn ear. Somebody bite you?

(the third) Bloody nose, black eye, fat lip, is that a claw mark? Lady, do you have a dog?

(and the fourth ? he finds himself looking down on the top of Perp 4?s, head; he is forced to step back and look a foot lower than the others)

Cop 1 ? What about you, do you need a doctor too? Any cuts or scrapes? (the fourth one holds up bloody fists which block our view of the face, except for the eyes. Perp 4 lifts an eyebrow)

Cop 1 ? That?s all? Wait, you have a cut on your neck. (Side shot of Perp 4, who is lit from the back throughout the scene, as the cop pulls off the hood) Oh, it?s a tattoo, some kind of bird. (He wanders away)

Perp 4 (sighs, mutters to no one). Wasp. It?s a wasp.

Cop 1 — Okay, somebody tell me what happened here.

Old woman ? I was coming home on the subway and these three boys tried to knock me down and grab my purse. And then this other boy, he?s like a bolt of lightning, just came out of nowhere?.

Perp 4 ? I?m a girl.

Perp 1 ? This guy just went totally nuts. Hitting, kicking, scratching, spitting, pulling hair, all at 800 miles an hour. He?s like a goddamn mountain lion on crack. Who the fuck is this guy?

Perp 4 ? (boiling mad) Girl. Girl! I?m a girl! (the three muggers back away from her)

Perp 2 ? Ought to be in a cage.

Cop 2 ? (looks at Perp 4, talks to the woman). Okay, lady, these three guys attacked you, and then they were attacked by (skeptical) this young man here? (Perp 4 loses it and attacks him, bloodying his nose; they grab her by the waist and push her back against the fence)

Cop 1 ? (Laughs) He can?t weigh more than 90 pounds. Three guys for the ER, one guy straight to booking.

Perp 1 ? See? He?s nuts.

Perp 4 ? Doesn?t fucking listen. (pulls apart her clothes and shows them her bits; the cops reflexively draw their weapons) I?m. A. Girl.

Cop 2 ? Um, Sonja?

Cop 3 ? Holy crap. He?s a girl. Who needs a shower.? I know you. You?re the one who never talks to cops?. Put your clothes back on?. You?re not going to try to hit me, are you? (Perp 4 glares at her and turns her back; Modig cuffs her)

Perp 4 ? Hey, my bag, it has my laptop! (which unfortunately is crushed by the wheel of a police cruiser as she speaks). Fuck!

Posted by hellodollyllama in Baltimore , 11 August 2010